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July 2001
July 24, 2001
Have you ever noticed how dire the classifications that hospitals give egregiously injured or ill patients sound? Like, "the patient has been upgraded from critical to serious."
I think they should really cut to the case and say a patient has been upgraded from "certain to die to surely will die."
July 23, 2001
My favorite spam subject lines of late:
"I found your wallet"
"We charged it to your VISA"
"$first_name, YOU'RE A WINNER!"
I'm sure it's just a matter of time before I receive:
"We're holding your Mom hostage"
July 19, 2001
Cats.
We feed them kibble. They plot our destruction.
July 18, 2001
While watching people file into the Fleet Center in Boston for some kind of WWF event while waiting for my train in North Station, I observed the following...
An obviously enthusiastic wrastlin fan wearing a t-shirt emblazoned, "The Cock." Apparently, a clever allusion to mega-popular, professional wrastler, "The Rock." With his lady-friend in tow, he would yell to his buddy at intervals, "IT'S ON!!!" as loudly (I'm guessing) as he could. To which his buddy would reply, "IT'S ON!!!" at roughly the same volume.
A young son telling his father, "My stomach hurts wicked bad." To which his father replied, "Again?" The son looked like a miniature version of his father - both were obese, and wearing similar shirt and shorts combinations. They reminded me of those Russian wooden dolls - the kind where there's always a smaller doll within a doll. Well, almost always.
Lastly, I overheard what appeared to be a 17 or 18 year old boy talking about "getting high," "fucking," and raising his "daughter" in about the same breath.
Following the entertainment, I had a thought. A couple, actually:
- We're doomed.
- I want my own island.
- With trenches.
- Deep, deep trenches.
- And punji sticks.
July 16, 2001
When did TLC (The Learning Channel) become a member of the FOX Network?
Last night, there was a triple feature of 'caught on tape' shows that would have been right at home with a FOX-mandated 'World's Most Dangerous' prefix. One of said programs, 'Air Disasters,' featured gratuitous slo-mo replays of particularly horrible airplane collisions. (I taped it. Let me know if you need a copy.)
July 13, 2001
You know it's Friday and you're underemployed when the most pressing matter of the day is deciding how to re-style the links on your vanity web site. Underline? No underline? Jakob would never approve... Background color on hover? Hrm. This will obviously require more thought. Or, possibly, something akin to more thought. At the very least, more coffee.
I've been thinking alot lately about how Die Hard was one of the greatest cinematic achievements of the 80's. I was going to espouse my views here, but after something akin to more thought, I decided this may take some serious space. And, as such, may be a better fit for my currently-rice-paper-thin Writing section.
Along the theme of smelling something burning, I've been meaning to touch up the screenplay I wrote awhile back, now that I have ample free time to do so. I think I'll put up a PDF when I'm finished for those who are interested to grab. It would be neat to get feedback from my 6-and-counting unique visitors.
July 12, 2001
I watched a lot of Starsky and Hutch as a kid. I'm surprised that I can't find reruns at a better time and/or on a better station than 1 am on TNN. TNN being The, um, Nashville Network. I believe they recently rebranded themselves The National Network, but don't be fooled. Judging by the amount of NASCAR programming on the station, it has some serious Southern roots. I'm equally surprised I turned out straight, given the intensely homoerotic nature of Starsky and Hutch's opening credits. For the uninitiated and those too young to remember, most 70's shows featured a montage of clips intercut with the title of the show and actors' names and such as the opening credits. The opening credits of Starsky and Hutch feature the following scenes:
- Starsky blows forcefully into Hutch's ear to get his attention in a gentlemen's club. Starsky appears jealous that Hutch is enamored with a female 'entertainer.'
- Starsky and Hutch practice their ballroom dancing with each other at the police station. Starsky dips Hutch.
- The two work undercover as flamboyant (read: flaming. As in, ON FIRE.) hairdressers.
- Starsky playfully throws something white (a marshmallow?) into Hutch's open mouth.
- Starsky breaks through a locked door, freeing the imprisoned Hutch, and falls into Hutch's open arms.
Starsky and Hutch rocks. You never see the homophobes on NYPD Blue in a tender embrace.
July 10, 2001
When is the right time for a long vacation overseas? When the police say that you are "not a suspect at this time." Nice goin, Rep. Condit.
