February 2002

February 26, 2002

So, a while back, I commented on Richard Gere's latest movie, and I mentioned how the placement and frequency of Richard Gere's name on the page were engineered to guarantee high placement on search engines and directories when searching for "Richard Gere."

I was, of course, kidding.

Tonight, I took a look at my log files and found that someone who had searched Google for "Richard" and "Gere" and "vegetarian" ended up here.

Although, that strikes me as really funny, I can't imagine the disappointment of arriving here when looking for actual, engaging, true content about "Richard" and "Gere" and "vegetarian."

After all, Richard Gere and vegetarianism are no laughing matters. Vegetarianism, Richard Gere, Richard, Gere, the eating of vegetables, consuming vegetables, wheat balls, not dogs, tofu, vegetables and you, vegetarianism and Buddhism and Mr. Richard Gere. Gerbils.

Oops... I did it again.

February 25, 2002

Coffee doesn't make Monday. Coffee makes Monday better.

February 13, 2002

No matter what Stumpy says, there's no way I'm typing "www.manbeef.com" into my browser, either at work or at home.

Nor am I clicking anywhere near the link he provides. Manbeef.

No, friends, the only sites I visit are www.i-am-hetero.com and www.i-dont-visit-manbeef.com.

And www.i-like-to-dress-up-in-pink-micro-skirts.com, occasionally.

February 12, 2002

Today, on the Teletubbies:

La La declares its love for bunnies.

I will never be whole again.

February 9, 2002

What is better than Samurai Saturdays on the Independent Film Channel? I'll tell you, since I asked.

Nada.

I've been following the serial-like adventures of Zatoichi, the blind masseur (and, more importantly, master swordsman). Apparently, they made like, a bazillion of these films in the sixties and early seventies (according to the Internet Movie Database). I think their description of the first film in the series says it best:

See, his sword is hidden in his cane. Genius!

Zatoichi wanders the Japanese countryside, falling into misadventure after misadventure. He's good-humored and well-intentioned, but somehow always ends up dispatching two or three gangs worth of dastardly bandits - usually in the course of coming to the rescue of the downtrodden and abused.

What a guy.

I was a little concerned that the series had jumped the shark with today's installment; the first couple minutes featured a, uh, musical number. But all that was quickly forgotten when the next bout of duels ensued.

If you don't get the Independent Film Channel, contact your cable company and demand your Ichi.

February 7, 2002

Saw something on the news that made me laugh. Actually, it was just a commercial for the news. You know how they always make news commercials sound so dramatic? Like...

TONIGHT AT TEN O'CLOCK... [big graphic of text with even bigger announcer reading said text] IS LEAD SEEPING INTO YOUR TAP WATER? [cut to video of some geeky scientist looking guy - voice over: "The levels we're seeing are potentially very damaging"] GET THE FULL STORY TONIGHT AT TEN!

That was just an example - that wasn't the commercial that made me laugh. I mean, there's nothing funny about lead in our drinking water. That is not comedy. You see what I'm saying?

No, the commercial that struck me as funny-ha-ha was this (and I'm paraphrasing here)...

TONIGHT AT TEN O'CLOCK... [big graphic of text with even bigger announcer reading said text] GET IN SHAPE... FOR GOLF! [cut to video of some people exercising in a gym] WE'LL SHOW YOU THE EXERCISES THAT WILL IMPROVE YOUR SWING AND YOUR GAME. FIND OUT AT TEN!

Get in shape for golf. Precious.